The Painful Truth

So everyone knows we moved to Texas. Two months later, we are still adjusting. Now it's time for the truth! So... it's been pretty difficult for me. When we first moved to Texas, we lived in an apartment. It was difficult for many reasons. We were used to the space of a house, we were unfamiliar with Austin, Jason worked all day, it was incredibly hot. Not a great time for us. We moved into our house. It is beautiful. Jason is working shorter hours. Sounds wonderful, but it's still been hard on me.

Nicholas breaks my heart. He wishes for a friend so bad. He talks about his "Dopey" and family and his "babies" non-stop. He is replacing real friends with these stuffed versions. He has prayed to God for a new friend. He cries, yells, and begs for new friends. I've told him that it takes time. We are making friends, it will just take time. I hope and pray the beginning of preschool will help him.

As for me... I am missing my life in KC pretty bad. I had a group of people that I could confide in about anything and people who would be there for me regardless. I think of how I have needed those friends in the past, and how they've needed me. I am sad we won't be there for each other in the same way. I miss calling up a friend and meeting for a park playdate. Discussing family/friends/life at home. I miss grilling out with friends, watching our kids play together and hoping their friendship will last. It's hard starting over. I'm not very good at it. It's easy when you are in school. You see people everyday - they can't HELP but talk to you. I am not so outgoing - it's hard for me to put myself out there. What if they don't like me? Am I worth liking? Oh the self-esteem issues that are rearing their ugly head. I love my husband, I love my boys, but I wish I knew who I was outside of being their wife/mother.

We're working on it. We'll get there. There are days I wish for the phone to ring more often. Days when I check too often for e-mails from old friends. It will get better. It will get easier. Right?